Back to the original plan

My art exploration semester is almost over, and I'm getting ready to dive into the books again. boo...

I would love to continue foo-farting around with my quasi-talent that may or may not improve with time. There's still so much I have not tried, such as painting, watercolor, ceramics, and sculpting. If I had discovered that making art is my passion, I could justify wasting more time to explore. But that's not at all the case. Perhaps I could come back to it when I'm in need of a hobby. But for now, I need to move on...get back on track.

The workaholic in me is anxious to get this show on the road toward something more practical. So... I signed up for a full load in the summer and again in the fall. I'm hoping to finish my BA by the end of 2011.

Oh... and remember when I said I would only post original images from now on? I take that back. I change my mind. I've decided I don't need to put myself under strict guidelines. The rest of the world gives me enough of that already. Sometimes I'm better at finding what fits instead of coming up with original stuff. Hey, we all have to know our limitations, right? There's nothing wrong with taking short-cuts when I need to. Whew! That's a load off my mind!

I was torn about the art thing up until just now, but now I feel so much better!

Onward!

Yay! :-)

UPDATE: Umm... yes, you guessed it. I'm rethinking my plans again. Gosh, this just seems like my last chance to get it right, and at the end of this journey, I don't wanna be "should-ing" all over myself (to steal someone else's clever phrase).

I know I'm putting myself in danger of looking very flaky when I share so much of my indecisive pacing back and forth in my head, but this is MY space. I will have no shame in showing my uber-flaky, fruit-cake-y, scatter-brainy, wishy-washy, and cringe-worthy side!

To make long story short, I am reconsidering the art thing, along with the psychology thing, which will perhaps turn into an Art Therapy thing... Then I will have the best of both worlds AND also be able to somehow make a difference in other people's lives, which, contrary to what I thought, is more important to me than anything else. Funny...as I write those very words in this moment, they became more true than ever before.

Slight Detour

So... I've decided to give myself an awesome treat.

I'm putting psychology on hold for one semester and pretending to be an art major. Why? - BECAUSE I CAN!! :)

Believe me, it took a lot-- I mean, A LOT --of self-talk and coaxing to allow myself to take this detour. I am at my best when I'm coming up with ideas and being creative, regardless of the subject. In every single one of my classes thus far, what I enjoyed the most on any project were the creative process and the artistic aspect. Last semester, when I was drawing some bacteria in my lab book, I remembered how much I used to enjoy drawing when I was in high school, and I decided that I will definitely take an art class in the semester coming up.

But have you ever known me to just stick my toes in something? NOT! I have to jump in head first and swim for my life with everything I've got. So while I was revising my academic plan a hundred times before registration, one art class turned into two, and two turned into four. Eventually, I decided to fully explore the right side of my brain and really find out what kind of an artist I am before going back to psychology. Who knows? Maybe I will end up changing my major when I get to the university in the fall. Graphic design sounds like an interesting option.

After the first week of class, here I sit wondering if I am being too indulgent. And also scared...at the possibility of finding out that I have less than impressive creative talent.

I have to keep reminding myself to take a deep breath and be in the moment. As a good friend always tells me, nothing I learn will be wasted, no matter the subject.

Normally Abnormal

This is turning out to be a fun place for me to just pop in for a few minutes to get my mind off of other things... like writing a paper.

I've been attempting to write a psych term paper all day, which I should have started a month ago and finished by now. During the course of this day of report-writing frenzy, I've written three posts (this makes it four) on this blog, wrote two long comments on other blogs, and created urgent needs to make two emergency shopping trips, one of which was to go buy a 6-pound medicine ball. Why? Because I felt the sudden urge to play catch with it, that's why! Sheesh! The way you're shaking your head, one would think it's not something EVERYONE does in the middle of doing homework. What? No? hmm...

Anyway, I think I have some ADD symptoms. But doesn't everybody to a degree?

I have finally managed to force myself to finish the first draft, and we'll see if I can somehow come up with a final draft by tomorrow.

Honestly, sometimes I have to roll my eyes at myself...

Image: http://thegazz.com/gblogs/karinfuller/2008/01/13/structured-procrastination/

A New Chapter - My 'not-so-secret' Secret

I have a secret shame. Or…shall I say I’ve HAD a secret shame?

But before you jump to conclusions, let me just say that I was raised in a different culture with a different mindset. Some of my friends are puzzled at this shame of mine. They don’t understand why I am so embarrassed by it. But in my family, it is something to be ashamed of. It is what I value the most in life above all else, perhaps even above love (if you can imagine that). Having it means having freedom, in so many ways. And in my immature foolishness, I passed up my first opportunity to get it. Then life happened for about 25 years. I have no complaints, mind you... but there has always been that one source of regret, my secret shame, in the back of my mind.

Then... about six months ago, I asked myself what's preventing me from going after what I've always wanted. I could not come up with one convincing answer. So I challenged myself to go for it.

What is it, you ask? It is… shhhhh… education!

Yes, I became a full-time college student at age f...(uh, never mind…it’s just a dumb number). I’m taking the maximum course load allowed, and my first semester is almost over. I still have to pinch myself every other day to make sure I’m not dreaming. Who would've thought that all I had to do was make up my mind and just do it? I’m like a kid in a candy store thus far, and holding a 4.0 average. Yay! Everybody do the dance!!

If I plan it just right, my daughter and I will be graduating from college at the same time, with my son a few years behind us. Now, if I can just get my husband to sign up for some graduate courses, the whole family could be going to college together. Wouldn’t that be something? A family who gets educated together, goes broke together… something like that… :-)

I'll keep you posted. ;-)