Literature, Fruit, and Life

The book ended. Sadly, they always do. I tried so hard to savor it as slowly as I could, forcing myself to read only a few pages at a time, but it ended nevertheless.

I wonder if the stories were allowed to go on and on, we would eventually tire of them? And if so, would we still speak of them as fondly?

This leads me to ponder over other things in life. Everything in life seems to be most pleasurable at the peak of its development. Fruits are a great example. I carefully watch, wait for, and pounce on the moment of the fruit's maximum ripeness. If not, I am left with a bitter, rotten, or irritatingly unsatisfying taste in my mouth.

What about people? When developing a relationship, the heart-pounding excitement does not go on forever. We meet a person of interest, get intrigued by them, learn about them, want to spend more and more time with them, then there's the inevitable plateau, or even a downturn. What if a developing relationship ends at its peak just before reaching that plateau, due to circumstances out of either party's control such as relocation or death? Then that person is remembered forever as the best neighbor, friend, colleague, partner, lover, etc. We are left remembering only the extraordinary, because we are spared the ordinary that certainly would have followed. (Hmm... this also makes me wonder about the fine line/overlap between presence and absence -- but that's another think for another time. lol)

I believe humans are constantly driven to seek this type of peak pleasure in everything, whether it be physical, emotional, intellectual, or even spiritual. Of course, some of us have it worse than others, and we must be aware of our healthy boundaries while keeping a grip on reality. But I think the repeating lure of the next (and the next) bite into the ripeness of life is what gets us out of bed every morning.

Perhaps people's addiction to literature is no exception.

Making Friends with the Fear of Humiliation

I've been in school for a year and a half now, and it seems the more I learn, the less I know. What's that song?--the one that goes:

I say hey I'll be gone today
But I'll be back all around the way
It seems like everywhere I go
The more I see
The less I know

Well...that's how I feel about my brain and its ability to retain anything. One time, a good friend asked me, "If you could do one thing all the time for the rest of your life, what would it be?" and I answered that I would love to write for the rest of my life. But that's before I knew just how revealing one's writing is about one's knowledge, maturity, and intelligence. (...or lack thereof.)

Karen Horney (pronounced Horn-eye) (1885-1952) was a German psychologist who believed that we have three different selves--the Real Self, the Despised Self, and the Ideal Self. The Real Self is the inner core of our personalities, the real and healthy self. The Despised Self describes our perceived inadequacies amplified by our perception of how others evaluate us. The Ideal Self, then, is our version of perfection that we continuously strive toward in order to compensate for the inferior feelings of the Despised Self.

She also believed that the purpose and goal of psychoanalysis should not be to help someone get closer to their Ideal Self but to help him/her to fully accept his/her Real Self.

I was raised by my grandmother from age one to five in her attempts to help out my mother. Although this was not an uncommon occurrence in Korea at the time--meaning my situation is not at all unusual--I struggled with rejection, both real and imagined, when I rejoined my parents and two siblings. It makes sense, then, that I have always battled with my Despised Self and still fight it on a daily basis.

But how do you even begin to unravel the web that has been twisted and knotted so tightly that the original thread is no longer discernible? No. I cannot fathom it. Besides, I think the twists and knots are rather interesting, even beautiful in a puppy-so-ugly-that-it's-cute sort of way. It's mind-boggling to think that I have to somehow get underneath all that to see what's supposed to be real.

Instead, I'd rather step back, look at the knotted mess as an intricate and necessary part of this "Real Self," and continue knitting my own unique bumpy and ugly sweater with it. If nothing else, it will keep me humble. N'est pas?

Anyway, writing is still one of my passions. But I suspect that it will never measure up to my own standards, regardless of how educated I become. I cringe today at what I wrote yesterday, and I will cringe tomorrow at what I wrote today. I will always be terrified of what others will think of it. I guess that feeling of "not good enough" extends into everything I do.

But instead of attempting to eliminate the fear, I just make friends with it and take away its power. Fear of humiliation never stops me from throwing myself on stage again and again (and coming home crying with mental tomato stains.) ...But there's always a tomorrow to do it again (and again). ...And according to Shakespeare, "all the world's a stage!" Ha! ;)


Image: http://vi.sualize.us/view/beuchampniven/034e863a325dea9ba9d6dd8613ce415d/

Art and Personality

In class, we were introduced to the works of two contemporary glass artists, both amazing and fascinating in their unique styles:

Dale Chihuly

And
Josiah McElheny



In addition to the above images, you can learn more about them here and here.

Although they both work with glass, I am floored by how night-and-day their styles are. We watched the videos of their interviews and listend to their creative process, and I could not help but think about personalities as they relate to art -- not only in the way we create art, but also our preferences in the way we appreciate art.

Please enlighten me if I'm repeating what someone else has already said... but I really think we can know a lot about the unspoken and hidden facets of our personalities through art. Sometimes we are shocked to discover things even in ourselves that we had not realized. Or is it just me? I understand that how we project ourselves outward says a lot about us, but how and what we perceive inward may say even more. In other words, what we take in is just as much an indicator of our personality as what comes out of us as expressions and behaviors. To put it yet another way, perhaps what we choose (or prefer) to receive from the world and people is even more telling than what we choose to give. Whew! I feel like I'm always stumbling over my words trying to describe my thoughts...

One thing that I did newly discover is that although I have some hint of talent (ok. I'll stop denying it and finally admit it), making original art is not where my true talent lies. I am, however, an avid observer and appreciator of art. I passionately love soaking in other people's work, their expressions. I seek to find ways to bring that experience to others who may not get the chance to experience it otherwise. That must be why I enjoy the "making-of" documentaries even more so than seeing the work itself, whether it be 2D, 3D, video, audio, or literary. I love to study the who, what, when, where, and, especially, how and why.

Do you think that's an Introverted trait? More and more lately, I think I'm more of an "I" rather than an "E". Or am I an introverted "E"? Or an "I" who has to think out loud? This preference pair always stumped me. hmm...

Anyway, I wanted to share with you some thoughts from other thinkers about art:

In order correctly to define art, it is necessary, first of all, to cease to consider it as a means to pleasure and to consider it as one of the conditions of human life. Viewing it in this way we cannot fail to observe that art is one of the means of intercourse between man and man. ~ in "What is Art" by Leo Tolstoy.

I'll have to go back and re-read that essay (which I only quickly skimmed about a year ago) more carefully.

Also, after writing this post, I have a renewed appreciation for the following quote that I've always loved because of its depth (although I'm not about to go and read "In Search of Lost Time" anytime soon):

:-)

Our vanity, our passions, our spirit of imitation, our abstract intelligence, our habits have long been at work, and it is the task of art to undo this work of theirs, making us travel back in the direction from which we have come to the depths where what has really existed lies unknown within us. ~ Marcel Proust

Popularity at what cost?

There is so much talk about the shocking performances at the AMA last night, such as that of Adam Lambert.

It is no shocking revelation that artists will always push the limits and force us out of our comfort zone. That's the beauty and the gift of art. But when does it cross the line? Where is that fine line when art becomes lost in the heap of I-dare-you-to-judge-me stunts? Don't get me wrong... I am not judging the content of the performance. I'm just wondering about the motivation behind it.

This makes me wonder if we, as social animals, all end up selling ourselves short for the cheap thrill of receiving momentary attention and/or admiration? Do we begin to lose our true selves in order to continue pleasing the audience?

If we succumb to the pressure of keeping our fans and constantly having to one-up ourselves, where is the freedom in that?

If freedom of expression is used as a crutch merely to shock people, where is the art in that?

Is it possible to rise above this dreaded addiction to attention? As I sit back and criticize others, I have to admit I often feel it too (the need to dare them, to please them, to prove a point to them... whatever it is, it can easily become a trap and a prison).

Am I showing my age with this view? Am I just not keeping up with what's current? Am I the one who's just not getting it?

Update: I had to revise some of my unfair and harsh statements I had previously written. I apologize if you saw them before the revision. :)

Normally Abnormal

This is turning out to be a fun place for me to just pop in for a few minutes to get my mind off of other things... like writing a paper.

I've been attempting to write a psych term paper all day, which I should have started a month ago and finished by now. During the course of this day of report-writing frenzy, I've written three posts (this makes it four) on this blog, wrote two long comments on other blogs, and created urgent needs to make two emergency shopping trips, one of which was to go buy a 6-pound medicine ball. Why? Because I felt the sudden urge to play catch with it, that's why! Sheesh! The way you're shaking your head, one would think it's not something EVERYONE does in the middle of doing homework. What? No? hmm...

Anyway, I think I have some ADD symptoms. But doesn't everybody to a degree?

I have finally managed to force myself to finish the first draft, and we'll see if I can somehow come up with a final draft by tomorrow.

Honestly, sometimes I have to roll my eyes at myself...

Image: http://thegazz.com/gblogs/karinfuller/2008/01/13/structured-procrastination/

I have no time for incompetence

If you've landed here via psychology.alltop.com, I apologize. This blog should not be listed there. I just want it said that I've asked for it to be removed from the list (but why is it still there?). I have no qualifications to talk about psychology other than the fact that I am a student of psychology and love to observe and contemplate human behavior in myself and others. Honestly, I was put there by mistake. I'm not an expert on the subject nor do I pretend to be, which brings me to my next point...

Please don't get me wrong. I'm not trying to be judgmental in what I'm about to say. I make a huge effort not to judge people (this is very important to me), but I cannot help but judge their performance. I'm just trying to be honest.

Those who know me understand that it's one of my pet peeves -- people pretending to be something they are not. Incompetent people should not pretend to be competent. Unqualified people should not pretend to be qualified. There should be a direct correlation between effort and reward. If recognition is given, it should be deserved. And if it is deserved, it should be given.

Service providers who charge high-quality prices with mediocre or inferior service? That annoys me to no end. Customers who are too stupid to notice or too "nice" to speak up, allowing them to continue in the same way? That annoys me even more. Pacifists who frown upon others for their honest critique? That downright infuriates me.

That's why I've always felt uncomfortable when people describe me as "nice." That's another thing that close friends know about me. I'm not that nice. Sometimes I can even be cold and uncaring in trying to tell the truth. I'll lend you my shoulders (to a point) for your sob stories...sure. But don't let those sob stories interfere with your work or use them as an excuse for poor performance. If you can't keep up, remove yourself from the job and let someone else more competent take your spot. No hard feelings.

I'll only put up with it for one reason and one reason only -- if you have creative talent that surpasses your pain-in-the-ass-ness.

Is that bad? Is it just me?

(UPDATE: Yep... I was in one of my moods when I wrote this... oh well.)

Image: http://www.theodoresworld.net/archives/2009/07/judges_dont_belong_on_the_batt.html

The "Golden Rule" in practice

Now... this is what I'm talking about. I could not agree more. However, putting ourselves in the other person's mindset... I mean, trying to really THINK like they think, see exactly what they see... has to be the hardest thing to achieve. I'm not sure if I agree with the part about the terrorists, though. That also involves religion, which messes up all logical thinking and complicates things at a whole new level. Anyway, his thoughts are very much worth pondering:

Reward without effort

Today I'm wondering if there is any value in receiving an award if there was not much effort put into the achievement.

There was an award ceremony yesterday at the high school. My son is an honor roll student who gets his grades with little or no effort (a concern of mine, but back to the point...) It did not mean much to him that there was such a ceremony and, therefore, shrugged it off as not important. Contrary to what other parents may think, my husband and I agree with our kids and do not push them to attend the events if they are not particularly proud of their accomplishments.

On the other hand, when he worked hard at memorizing his lines for a dramatic performance and put every effort into researching and practicing his part, he was extremely proud of his work and ecstatic about the praise and the attention he received.

Call me old-fashioned or even cold-hearted... but honestly, should kids be constantly rewarded for their innate abilities or skills without putting in any extra effort? I agree that encouragement is always important, but there is a clear difference between encouragement and under-deserved reward. Shouldn't the "C" that was received after hard work be more deserving than the "A" which came easily? In addition, do our kids really need to be showered with medals and trophies at every turn and have all their material wishes granted on every holiday? Shouldn't exceptional rewards follow truly exceptional efforts?

I don't know... I could be missing something, but it just doesn't make sense to me...

Generation RX, the documentary

I recently watched an important film by Kevin P. Miller (@kevinpmiller), Generation RX. I ordered the DVD through the website, but you can also find it on Amazon.

We watched the video as a family, and we were captivated throughout. My teenage children, who are 17 and 15, sat through the entire length of the video. I was pleasantly surprised that they were able to sit through a documentary, which does not happen too often. We then had a long, sometimes heated, discussion about the issue. It made all of us think.

Generation RX is a compelling documentary which contains disturbing and alarming information everyone should be aware of before considering ADHD or anti-depressant medications. The doctors will not tell you about it. The drug companies will not tell you about it. You need to be proactive in obtaining your own information to decide what chemicals you are putting into your child and yourself, especially when it comes to altering the way our brains function.

In today's acronym-happy, take-a-pill-to-cure-all society, the only party who stands to benefit may be the drug companies.

It had been suggested to me repeatedly that my son may have ADHD during his first few years in grade school. After doing some research, I chose to ignore those suggestions, and he is now a perfectly normal and active 15-yr-old who makes the honor roll every year.

On the flip side, though, I don't think the other side of the issue was fairly represented in the video. I found myself hoping and waiting for a segment that presented the opposing side who believes in the effectiveness of the medications. It's hard to be pragmatic without looking at both sides.

I wanted to hear some stories of those whose lives were improved because of the drugs, and could they have used an alternate approach? There are shocking correlations between these drugs and violent behaviors, but do they actually "cause" those behaviors? It's hard to tell. However, it cannot be ignored or taken lightly, especially if you or your children are on these meds.

Do your research. Watch this video. Look around and realize just how many people are taking these medications in your own circle of influence. Think for yourselves. Don't let the drug companies do the thinking for you and decide the future of your children.

Psychology of Eve - Another Perspective

When I started this blog last year, I had every intention of focusing only on my experience with the MBTI and keeping it light and fun. I had another blog which I had decided to place on hiatus where I used to write about spiritual issues. Before I knew it, I lost my focus, and I have no idea where this blog is going. Go figure! It's not unlike the way I do everything else in life. Staying on track is extremely difficult for an ENTP.

So here I continue with my tangent that I started yesterday about religion:

Hugo posted a new blog post about how people interpret the Bible differently and gave this link at the end of his post. It is an interesting perspective of a Bible passage written by RLP (Real Live Preacher). I've been browsing through RLP's blog and found his video recommendations on how to read the Bible - also very interesting...

RLP's writing reminded me of a story of Eve I had written some time ago on the old blog.

My interpretation of what happened in the garden (Gen 2:15 ~ 3:13):

Eve was a gift to Adam. The moment he saw her, he immediately loved her. She came out of him. She was a part of him. He knew he would never be whole again without her.

Eve suddenly found herself standing before Adam as the object of his affection and love. He was everything to her. She liked the feeling of being needed, wanted, desired. The more Adam gave to her, the more she wanted of him. She soon realized that Adam was willing to do anything within his power to satisfy her. She could ask him for anything, and he provided. He ruled over the land and all the other living things. His knowledge and wisdom came directly from God, and there was nothing that Adam was not able to produce for her.

This puzzled and intrigued Eve very much. Adam seemed to have a special relationship with God that she did not have. She was not a part of it. She wanted Adam all to herself. She did not want to share him with God. She was also envious of Adam's abilities that she did not have. Why did she always have to look to him for her needs? She wanted to be able to do things for herself. She wanted to do what he could do.

While she was sitting and sulking one day, a serpent slithered towards her. It looked directly into her eyes, and it was as if its thoughts were speaking to her thoughts. These thoughts were powerfully hypnotizing and seemed to take control of her mind. The serpent understood all that she had been feeling. He told her she had every right to be upset over the relationship between God and Adam. Adam should rightfully be all hers. She should be number one to him, not God.

He was the one who mentioned the tree. He asked her about the tree. He asked if God himself said that they shouldn't eat from any tree in the garden. She thought about it, but could not remember exactly what Adam had told her. She remembered that it was the tree in the middle of the garden, but no other details. As a matter of fact, Adam told her that God gave him the instructions before she was even created. God had not spoken directly to her. She suddenly wondered why. Was she not good enough? She couldn't have her new friend thinking that she was not very intelligent.

She just blurted out, "Ummm... You must not eat from the tree that is in the middle of the garden, and... um... oh yeah, you must not touch it either, or you will die."

Her friend chuckled and said, "You will not surely die. Do you realize how silly that sounds? How can you die from eating a piece of fruit? That doesn't even sound logical, does it?"

He kindly looked at her, and he seemed so smart and wise. He made her feel validated.

She asked him, "Then why would God not want us to eat the fruit?"

He smiled and gave her the most amazing information by saying, "The tree is called the Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil. God knows that if you eat of it, you will become like Him and be able to know all that he knows. You will become self-sufficient. He knows you will then no longer need Him. That's what he does not want."

He added, "It's strictly up to you, but I don't see anything wrong with becoming like God, do you?" He then slithered away.

Eve was very tempted. He said she could be just like God. That would mean that She could finally have Adam all to herself. In addition, she can begin to provide for herself without depending on him. She will have to convince Adam to eat the fruit also. If the serpent happens to be wrong, and if something bad were to happen from eating the fruit, she definitely did not want to be alone. She knew there were risks involved, but she thought it was definitely worth a try.

When she proposed the idea to Adam, he was clearly upset. She'd never seen him so confused. However, she knew she could somehow convince him of the idea. She was going to get her way if it was the last thing she did. She pleaded with him to listen to her. She wanted him to see how much she loved him and that they could be happy together without God always having to be in the middle of it.

She brought him to the tree and showed him how harmless and delicious the fruit looked. She touched the tree. Nothing happened. She reached up and picked a fruit. Nothing happened. She looked into Adams eyes and took a bite of the fruit. It tasted amazing. She closed her eyes and waited. Nothing happened.

The bewildered look in Adam's eyes began to soften. He was now puzzled. She smiled and picked another fruit. She handed it to Adam. Adam stood in front of her with the fruit in his hand, and he looked so handsome, so brave. She told him how much she admired and respected him.

He slowly brought the fruit to his lips and took a bite. He did not die. But in that moment, EVERYTHING changed. They saw things that they did not see before. They felt things that they did not feel before. They looked down and suddenly felt extremely uncomfortable about their nakedness. They were filled with fear. They ran for cover to hide from each other. They found fig leaves and sewed them together to cover their bodies.

Shortly thereafter, they heard God walking through the garden. They were terrified that He would find them in their current state, so they hid behind the trees. God called to Adam, and Adam had to answer him. He tried to explain to God that the reason he was hiding was because he was ashamed of his own nakedness. He wanted God to know that he still loved Him. God asked him if he ate the forbidden fruit. Adam pointed to Eve and tried to claim his innocence. After all, God gave her to him. He could not take the blame.

God then turned to Eve and spoke to her. This shocked Eve, in that this was the first time that God spoke to her directly. It somehow gave her a sense of importance for one fleeting moment. Then she was filled with fear again. What will become of her? She had to think of something to save both Adam and herself from this interrogation. She then decided to reveal her source. In her mind, that was the only way. She had to hang onto their survival even at the cost of betraying a friend. She divulged the information that the serpent had given her. She told God that she did not want to listen to him, but that he deceived her and convinced her into believing him.

She had no idea of the truth that she spoke...

I am basically a lazy person

Okay... the cat's out of the bag.

Those of you who have said, "Wow, how do you do it? I wouldn't be able to do half as much as what you do," please take another look.

I'm basically a lazy person. I do everything in my power NOT to do the things that I don't enjoy doing. It is a common misconception among many people around me that I am a dedicated and motivated hard worker.

The truth? The following facts, on the other hand, are absolutely true:

• When I do something, anything, I am a perfectionist (due to my competitiveness - because being competitive is FUN).


• When I'm having FUN, I work hard... extremely hard.


• I make every effort to see the FUN in the things that need to get done.

See a common thread? Yep! FUN-FUN-FUN~

So... if I'm not having fun, then you'll see me on the couch eating bon-bons. Even if I can somehow force myself to do something (especially if it is to help someone out), I guarantee I won't be doing it for long if I cannot see the fun in it. I'm not claiming it's good or bad...I'm just stating the facts. Yes, I AM LAZY.

I have heard people say, "Not everything can be fun, but you still need to do them." Oh yeah? You go right ahead and plod along, dragging your feet through life. I'd rather hop, skip, and jump... and maybe even do some somersaults. Falling and getting bruised is all a part of the fun. Don't be afraid of a little pain - it makes us grow. After all, the way I see it... if life isn't fun, why bother? God gave us creativity. Use it!

. . .
(Oh, and by the way... I did say that I wouldn't be posting much on here anymore. That still holds true, but sometimes thoughts just come up that need to be said, you know?)

Change and Anxiety

Change is good, right? Anxiety is normal during a major change, no?

I am so anxious tonight. I don't know if I'll be able to sleep. Everything seems so topsy turvy. Things are changing. Tomorrow is the beginning of a new chapter and something I've been waiting for for a very long time...

I've opened the refrigerator at least 10 times in the last 30 minutes and can't find anything I want to eat. I've checked and rechecked my list for tomorrow. I think I'm prepared. Why am I so nervous?

On my way to the refrigerator yet one more time, I thought perhaps I should just write about my anxiety to relieve some pressure. But what do I say? The words are not there. I may start a series of posts journaling this new adventure. Who knows? I have not decided.

To add to the madness of it all, I've completely turned my business upside down. It has always been a losing proposition. I was giving away more than I was bringing in and hated having to promote myself. I never wanted to start the business. I just wanted to help people. But I somehow got roped into the mindset that I must make a profit with my newly acquired knowledge/skills. I knew deep down that it would not work.

I've decided to turn the MindBlink business site into a just-for-fun playground to showcase and promote other talented people, randomly chosen by me. It will no longer be a profit-oriented business, but a place for me to have fun and use my creativity to encourage others who are brave enough to pursue what they are passionate about. I will continue to offer my MBTI services to whoever is interested and as give-away prizes, but I'm done promoting myself. I'm choosing to shed the weight that was making me sink deeper into the dark hole called "need-to-suceed".

On the home page of the site, I state my reason as follows:

"Why? Because I can!"

I'm too old (and too stubborn) to play the game of worldly success. Instead, I want to use my gifts and resources to encourage other creative people to go after their dreams. That, my friends, makes me feel like I can breathe again.

As to the other (big) change I mentioned earlier... I'll keep you posted!

Ciao! :-)

Hilligraphy - "May the Therapeutic Force be with You"

Here's an excerpt from an essay that Chuck Hillig shared with me some time ago. I've gotten his permission to post it, and I am finally getting around to it. I thoroughly enjoyed his thoughts, and it speaks to my N and P preferences:

Consider this: All psychotherapy occurs at a number of different levels. Obviously, there's the physical component: the therapist interacts with the patient at a particular location in space and time. Equally obvious, there's also an emotional component that invariably shows up as the patient, guided by the therapist, walks into the labyrinth of their own belief system in order to meet and confront the shadowy minotaurs that await within.

Finally, (and here's the real power of therapy), there's also the distinct possibility that a genuine spiritual shift can take place for the patient. For example, after courageously changing the context of how he sees the world, he can become transformed through his own insights.

In order to create the opportunity for such a healing, however, I suspect that all effective therapy has to first begin by helping the patient identify and acknowledge the unvarnished inner truth about "what's so" for him.

For example, it's axiomatic that the only place that we can move away from is the very place that we're currently occupying. In other words, it's impossible for us to change ourselves from where we aren't. I've been wondering, then, if we can use the obviousness of this truth to discover that all good psychotherapy is rooted in the patient's willingness to begin to love themselves unconditionally.

Consider this: Before helping them to change into who they are not, what happens when a therapist first encourages his patient to fully "be" who they already are? In other words, instead of, indirectly, implying that their patients are "wrong" for being as they are, what would happen when the focus is first on making them "right?" In short, the therapist actively encourages the patient to begin to free his inner spirit to become, paradoxically, what that spirit already is.

Go to this link to read the full essay.

Outdoor neighborhood family room, anyone?

I've been reading about ideas regarding the future of children's education over at Peter Gray's blog "Freedom to Learn." One of the commenters there has a blog of his own called Playborhood. On one of his posts, he talks about his plans to design an "outdoor family room" in his front yard where the neighborhood parents and kids can stop by anytime to just hang out.

This sounds like a very interesting and a wonderful concept in theory. But will it work? What do you do with that one annoying neighbor who's loud, boisterous, opinionated, eats all the food, drinks all the beers, and does not have a clue? What do you do with the cliques that will inevitably form? What do you do with that one kid who none of the kids want to hang out with? What do you do with the few women whose main goal in life is to gossip and spread rumors?

Not to put a damper on the plans before they even get off the ground, but I foresee so many of the same problems that seem to surface in any organization, such as church.

There will be the ones who are "in" and who are "out."

Is it just me? Am I just being negative?

By the way, Playborhood is a wonderful blog. He has some great thoughts...

HILLIGraphy - "Seven questions to change your life"

Seven Questions to Change Your Life
By Chuck Hillig

The quality of your life is often determined by the quality of the questions that you ask yourself. Your inner mind is, quite literally, compelled to answer all of your questions….voiced and unvoiced…no matter how limiting or self-destructive those questions might be.

For example, if you’ve ever wondered, “Why don’t things ever work out for me?” you’re going to come up with a very different answer than you would have if you had asked yourself “How can I learn more about myself from what’s happening right now?”

And, if you’re foolish enough to ask yourself “Why am I such a loser,” your mind (in its infinite love for you) will dutifully come up with a list of all of the reasons why you are, in fact, “a loser”…even if it has to make those reasons up! You see, phrasing the question like that subtly implies that you’re already a loser, and now you’re just trying to discover “why.” Your mind is constructed to automatically support and validate all of your inner beliefs. In short, its prime directive is to make your perceptions about yourself and the world “right.” Avoid asking questions that only serve to contract your soul and harden your heart.

Whenever you have some quiet time, here are other questions for you to ask yourself:

1) “What are the five things that I value most in my life?” List them in their order of importance. You might be surprised which one shows up on top.

2) “What are the three most important goals in my life right now?” When you write them down, be sure to notice any difference between your stated goals and how you are actually living your life out on a day-to-day basis.

3) “If I won 100 million dollars in the next PowerBall lottery, how would I change my life?” This answer will tell you a lot about your selfishness, compassion and values.

4) “How would I spend my remaining time if I knew for certain that I would die exactly six months from today?” Would you travel to some place special? Hang out with family and friends? Become more spiritual?

5) “What kind of work would I do if I had that 100 million dollars mentioned above, but was still obliged to do some kind of 8-hour a day job in order to have access to it?” Maybe the answer to that question will tell you more about your true passion in life.

6) “What activities in my younger years gave me the greatest feeling of freedom, importance and satisfaction?” Are you still participating in any of them? How do you stop yourself from enjoying those same activities right now?

7) Here’s my favorite: “What’s the one thing that I’d do in (and with) my life if I absolutely knew for certain that I couldn’t possibly fail?”

Asked with an open heart and without any expectations, these seven questions will unlock further treasures of self-awareness.

HILLIGraphy - Seeds for the Soul

Another page from Chuck Hillig's Seeds for the Soul:

Don't rescue anyone by trying to do their inner work for them.

You'll only be discounting their strength and discouraging them from developing their own untapped resources

Instead, give yourself permission to allow them to completely and totally fail...if failing seems to be what's on their path.

If you keep handing someone a crutch, they'll surely learn how to limp.

Board Meeting: Time to refocus and reorganize

• Subject: Redefine the purpose of Mindblink Blog
• Board members: Me, myself, and I
• Concerns: Mindblink is losing direction and focus (where were we going with this?)

I have created this blog after being inspired by The MBTI Blog of Breanne Potter as a means to stay connected to the MBTI community and also to share my new passion with others who may not be familiar with the type theory. As I have a tendency to make everything broader than they need to be, my focus can easily get scattered. Judith Grutter, who was my teacher for my on-line Strong Interest Inventory qualification, pointed to the fact that:

if I try to do everything, I will most likely end up doing nothing.

...Simple statement with so much truth in it... I've been chewing on that thought for a couple of weeks now, trying to digest it and find a focus.

I have been readjusting my goals and my vision as far as my career path is concerned, and it's slowing becoming more clear as I think through it. I've come too far to just let it fizzle out into nothing.

I am here to address the issues concerning this blog. I am reaching deep to get in touch with my out-of-preference and underdeveloped "S" and "J" functions. It requires frequent deep breaths and great concentration, but it's time to make some clarifications and find a focus here:

1. Psychology will be the main focus of this blog. While it is true that I believe psychology applies to everything in life, it is also true that "everything" is simply too broad of a topic.


2. I will resurrect my other blogs to write about my thoughts that don't quite seem to fit into the category of psychology and MBTI.


3. Other writers here whom I have invited to co-author this blog will be requested to post at least once every 4-6 weeks. I will do my best to suggest appropriate topics.


4. As for myself, I will be writing about my new discoveries and lessons that I learn as I continue in my growing process as it applies to psychology in general, and to MBTI in particular.


5. Staying within the context of #4 stated above, I will continue to think, ask questions, learn as much as I can, and share what I've learned in a way that is palatable and easy-to-comprehend.
   


6. Nothing is ever written in stone with me, but I will try this "focus" thing for a while and see how it goes...

HILLIGraphy - Seeds for the Soul

Periodically, I will be posting pages from Chuck Hillig's wonderfully insightful book, "Seeds for the Soul." Here's the first of many that I will introduce you to:

Your feelings are not problems to be solved, obstacles to be overcome or difficulties to be denied.

They're only passing phenomena on your path that are inviting you to experience them fully.

But don't turn down their invitation. If you won't let them be as they are, the won't let you be as you are.

For example, if you ignore you feelings when they show up for you on the doorstep of your heart, they'll surely hassle you for your lack of respect.

They'll disappear into your unconscious for a while, but when they come back to you...and they will... they'll be brininging some friends!!!

He has a way of gently and playfully nudging you into your thinking zone. :-)

Bre-Day #2

It's time for another BRE-DAY!

While I was writing an earlier post, I got on this thought exploration about the T/F difference in males and females, then it went from there onto our ability/inability to show our vulnerabilities, and then to the question of why some of us are afraid to reveal ourselves. I tossed the following questions to Breanne to create today's Bre-Day post. Anyone up for a discussion?

Linda: I watch people. I’ve been watching people closely on this blog and on others. I have a T/F question for you. Statistically, there are more male T’s than female T’s, correct? I am a female T. You are a female T. I’m noticing that there is a definite difference between males and females in their T-ness. Do you think this is true? The male T loves debating and verbal sparring. They thrive on the serious intellectual sparring and competition. Female T’s, although they immensely enjoy the same to a certain point, seem to only be able to take so much of it. And then we must take a break and have some fun. Is it the machismo thing? Is it a cultural influence that it is more acceptable for females to be vulnerable, artistic, and loving? Is there more pressure on the male T to go deeper into their T in a public arena?

Bre: Wow! Very interesting question. I have to say I’m probably not your typical T female when it comes to verbal sparring. I’ll go to the ends of the earth to “win.” My friends used to say I enjoyed to debate for the sake of the debate…not the issue. As I mature, I’ve learned to pick my battles more intelligently, but I still take any competition very seriously. That could be a trait issue (one that runs in my family). However, I can see your theory about T Females taking a break from intellectual sparring, but I wonder if that is due to societal expectations. It still holds true that men are seen as competitive and strong in debates, but women are seen as the “B word.” I have had many females come to me and say that they were not comfortable in their “own skin” until they understood their MBTI® results and that their approach to decision making wasn’t counter to their gender, but just a personality preference. I’ll be honest, I’ve never felt that way myself.

Linda: That brings me to the vulnerability question. Do you think some types are more open to showing their vulnerability than others? The mask that we put on for the public…do you think that is influenced by type?

Bre: It definitely seems like we’re tapping the T/F function here. The “people-pleasing/harmony seeking” part of the F preference would seem more likely to shape to the expectations of the crowd, but I’m making a guess there. I wonder if people are more likely to “act” like the types of those around them. When I visit my company’s bi-annual conference, I temper my strong ISTJ preferences, because the company is clearly ENFP. I resist the urge to yell “So?” and “We’re so off the topic!” I go more with the flow there because I am matching the culture. I think we all tend to gravitate towards the path of least resistance. Maybe that is wearing a mask or putting on an act, or maybe that’s just compromising.

Linda: Why do you think some people are afraid to look at themselves? David Rees pointed out in one of his comments:

"MBTI requires a level of self examination that many people are not willing to perform. It is too uncomfortable and too scary - much safer and much more fun to just flock with your own kind and rant about how wrong everyone else is."

I think is very true. Fear is a big factor in determining people’s actions/inaction, correct? However, I think pride is another issue. We pride in already knowing ourselves and having a firm control of ourselves. We call this maturity, don’t we? When we find ourselves “in the grip,” we feel very “immature,” correct? So we do not allow it, keep it under very tight wraps, and show it to the only few that we trust the most.

Bre: This always surprises me. What is there to be afraid of? I understand when people have a misconception about what the MBTI® assesses, that they might be worried about an assessment of mental illness. When I explain that the assessment is just about preferences, the fear usually subsides in exchange for curiosity. I have an online friend who still has not had me debrief her report because she keeps putting it off (perhaps out of fear). I do, however, understand fear of letting others know our preferences. There is probably nothing in the MBTI® report that would shock us about our own results…but what will others do with the information. Will an ISTJ perceive an ENFP as weak? Will the ENFP perceive the ISTJ as rigid?
It is all about maturity…and trust. We must trust ourselves and others to encourage understanding and build stronger lines of communication.

Linda: Do you think ultimately, humans are too proud to allow ourselves to be human? And when we find that we are only human, we are then afraid to admit it? I’ve always thought that most of our problems come from fear, shame, and guilt. Do you think it is our human-ness that we are fearful of, ashamed of, or feel guilty about? So we have to go around pretending that we are not human?

Bre: I think it could be that we are worried what others will think if we show our flaws. I know my own flaws, and am secure with my areas for development, but that doesn’t mean I’m outspoken about those issues. I hypothesize that as we grow older, we let down the walls around us and begin showing our true selves. I was at a store the other day and some elderly ladies came in all dressed up in their Red Hat Society apparel (loud purple dresses and big red hats- here’s a link to see pics: http://www.redhatsociety.com/). I immediately thought “Good for them! It must be so wonderful not to care what others think about how you look and just have fun!”

I don’t think it’s our human-ness that we are fearful of, I think it’s other’s reactions to our human-ness that we fear the most. Life is just High School with money and fancier cars.

About Politics

About a week ago, I submitted a request to join a group of bloggers who have formed an association of sorts. Since I already frequent some of their blogs and enjoy reading the posts, I assumed there would not be a problem.

Then I was met with a somewhat stand-offish (my perception) response saying that my blog probably would not fit in because most of them are politically oriented blogs, and mine deals with a specific topic that does not have much to do with politics. (eh hem... I already read some of those blogs, and they often deal with subjects completely outside of politics, if you ask me.)

That got me on this thought thread of wondering why would psychology not apply to politics? It most certainly does.

Firstly, politics has become such a joke in America (in my opinion) that it no longer is about who can be the best leader of our country but about who can best manipulate the public into voting for them.

A funny phenomenon occurred over at the Friendly Atheist last week. Hemant posted a story about Elizabeth Dole criticizing her opponent Kay Hagan for attending a fundraiser held by an atheist group. Then something amazing happened. The anger and fury by the regulars on the site raised $1620 in just two days (contributions to the Hagan campaign), along with numerous angry letters to Dole. I don't think this could have happened if Kay Hagan herself had come to the site begging for contributions, no matter how convincing her plea.

I was watching this activity unfold with awe, and then it dawned on me. Remember I was wondering the other day about what motivates people into action? There was the answer in front of my eyes: Anger. Anger motivates people to act. Fighting against a common enemy is a far greater motivator than fighting for a common cause. And now I'm wondering why?

Oh... you'd better believe it! Psychology definitely plays a big part in politics! Or did you mean that MBTI doesn't fit in with politics? That's a topic for a whole new post.


(Okay... There you have it. A post about politics. Now can I join?) (just kidding!) :-)
It's just that "you don't quite fit in" strikes a very touchy chord with me... I think David Rees would understand.