While I was writing an earlier post, I got on this thought exploration about the T/F difference in males and females, then it went from there onto our ability/inability to show our vulnerabilities, and then to the question of why some of us are afraid to reveal ourselves. I tossed the following questions to Breanne to create today's Bre-Day post. Anyone up for a discussion?
Linda: I watch people. I’ve been watching people closely on this blog and on others. I have a T/F question for you. Statistically, there are more male T’s than female T’s, correct? I am a female T. You are a female T. I’m noticing that there is a definite difference between males and females in their T-ness. Do you think this is true? The male T loves debating and verbal sparring. They thrive on the serious intellectual sparring and competition. Female T’s, although they immensely enjoy the same to a certain point, seem to only be able to take so much of it. And then we must take a break and have some fun. Is it the machismo thing? Is it a cultural influence that it is more acceptable for females to be vulnerable, artistic, and loving? Is there more pressure on the male T to go deeper into their T in a public arena?
Bre: Wow! Very interesting question. I have to say I’m probably not your typical T female when it comes to verbal sparring. I’ll go to the ends of the earth to “win.” My friends used to say I enjoyed to debate for the sake of the debate…not the issue. As I mature, I’ve learned to pick my battles more intelligently, but I still take any competition very seriously. That could be a trait issue (one that runs in my family). However, I can see your theory about T Females taking a break from intellectual sparring, but I wonder if that is due to societal expectations. It still holds true that men are seen as competitive and strong in debates, but women are seen as the “B word.” I have had many females come to me and say that they were not comfortable in their “own skin” until they understood their MBTI® results and that their approach to decision making wasn’t counter to their gender, but just a personality preference. I’ll be honest, I’ve never felt that way myself.
Linda: That brings me to the vulnerability question. Do you think some types are more open to showing their vulnerability than others? The mask that we put on for the public…do you think that is influenced by type?
Bre: It definitely seems like we’re tapping the T/F function here. The “people-pleasing/harmony seeking” part of the F preference would seem more likely to shape to the expectations of the crowd, but I’m making a guess there. I wonder if people are more likely to “act” like the types of those around them. When I visit my company’s bi-annual conference, I temper my strong ISTJ preferences, because the company is clearly ENFP. I resist the urge to yell “So?” and “We’re so off the topic!” I go more with the flow there because I am matching the culture. I think we all tend to gravitate towards the path of least resistance. Maybe that is wearing a mask or putting on an act, or maybe that’s just compromising.
Linda: Why do you think some people are afraid to look at themselves? David Rees pointed out in one of his comments:
"MBTI requires a level of self examination that many people are not willing to perform. It is too uncomfortable and too scary - much safer and much more fun to just flock with your own kind and rant about how wrong everyone else is."
I think is very true. Fear is a big factor in determining people’s actions/inaction, correct? However, I think pride is another issue. We pride in already knowing ourselves and having a firm control of ourselves. We call this maturity, don’t we? When we find ourselves “in the grip,” we feel very “immature,” correct? So we do not allow it, keep it under very tight wraps, and show it to the only few that we trust the most.
Bre: This always surprises me. What is there to be afraid of? I understand when people have a misconception about what the MBTI® assesses, that they might be worried about an assessment of mental illness. When I explain that the assessment is just about preferences, the fear usually subsides in exchange for curiosity. I have an online friend who still has not had me debrief her report because she keeps putting it off (perhaps out of fear). I do, however, understand fear of letting others know our preferences. There is probably nothing in the MBTI® report that would shock us about our own results…but what will others do with the information. Will an ISTJ perceive an ENFP as weak? Will the ENFP perceive the ISTJ as rigid?
It is all about maturity…and trust. We must trust ourselves and others to encourage understanding and build stronger lines of communication.
Linda: Do you think ultimately, humans are too proud to allow ourselves to be human? And when we find that we are only human, we are then afraid to admit it? I’ve always thought that most of our problems come from fear, shame, and guilt. Do you think it is our human-ness that we are fearful of, ashamed of, or feel guilty about? So we have to go around pretending that we are not human?
Bre: I think it could be that we are worried what others will think if we show our flaws. I know my own flaws, and am secure with my areas for development, but that doesn’t mean I’m outspoken about those issues. I hypothesize that as we grow older, we let down the walls around us and begin showing our true selves. I was at a store the other day and some elderly ladies came in all dressed up in their Red Hat Society apparel (loud purple dresses and big red hats- here’s a link to see pics: http://www.redhatsociety.com/). I immediately thought “Good for them! It must be so wonderful not to care what others think about how you look and just have fun!”
I don’t think it’s our human-ness that we are fearful of, I think it’s other’s reactions to our human-ness that we fear the most. Life is just High School with money and fancier cars.
