Reflection (Part 2)

RES IPSA LOQUITUR - The thing that speaks for itself

RES IPSA LOQUITUR was my #1 motto for the year 2008. This is a legal phrase most often used to describe evidence in a court room. When I learned this phrase, I immediately wanted to make it mine. I wanted to become the thing that speaks for itself. To be genuine. To wear no masks. To be "naked and unashamed," - a good friend taught me this phrase and what it means. (Being naked refers to revealing our true identities and our vulnerabilities... our human-ness) (so get your mind out of the gutter!) ;)

Although the words naked and unashamed used together in one phrase seem oxymoronic, I did my best to stand as I am without shame in all sorts of situations **cringe**. And I stand here before you, still alive and still naked. Well, no one can possibly be absolutely naked and show ALL of who they are, as there are two sides to every human being (a la Carl Jung). However, this year, I did jump off many cliffs of fear.

SAPERE AUDE - Dare to think

I adopted this as my #2 motto. This seems to be a no-brainer. However, free thinking does not come as easily as one might expect. We generally put too much trust in the experts, the media, and the majority. It is easier to let someone else do the thinking for us. It has become important to me to question everything and not take anything at face value. I decided not to be afraid to explore other views. Things are not always what they seem or what others may claim.

The subject of spirituality is one of those things. I've thought/pondered/struggled through so much in my spiritual journey for the past two years that it's a wonder I'm still considered sane. Why do I have such a fondness for atheists? It's not because I'm trying to save their souls, and it's not because I'm unsure of my own spiritual beliefs (although I do constantly check and recheck where I stand). I have a heart for them because I used to judge them. They've taught me so much in the past 15 months and turned my judgment into respect. I respect the atheists/skeptics I've befriended because most of them are not afraid to question and challenge pre-existing ideas and beliefs, even their own. And NO! Being accepting of other views does not infect your own. Things you fear (homosexuality is another example) are not evil monsters that are waiting to swallow you up. It's the fear itself that becomes the blinders which impair our vision.

So... those of you reading this who happen to be the judgmental or closed-minded types: keep your fears in check and come out of your cozy little comfort zones to see what other views can do for your growth!!

NON SEQUITUR - Does not follow

This has become my #3 motto. Others use this phrase to describe something that is out of place... something that does not belong. I use it to describe myself... my uniqueness and my quirkiness... the fact that I never seem to quite fit in anywhere. I lived most of my life resenting this fact and being ashamed of it. I strived most of my life trying to be like everyone else, someone else, anyone else other than myself. But with the help of everything that has transpired in the last few years (especially the year 2008) and everyone who have been my teachers through it all, I have learned (and still learning) to be perfectly okay with the fact that I am NON SEQUITUR in every group. It is not something to run away from but something to embrace and cherish.

I've spent most of 2008 trying to actually become these phrases. I have not succeeded 100% of the time, but there is a definite transformation. After all, life is a work in progress, is it not?

ADDENDUM: It's funny how letting go and allowing yourself to say "yes" to everything (as I learned from my friend, Chuck Hillig) and leaning in to the process of life gives you a better view of everything.

Reflection (Part 1)

I have been neglecting my blogs. I have not been very inspired to write many posts. We are nearing the end of 2008, and the things that once seemed so vital to me are starting to look somewhat... well... trivial. I'm breathing deeply and waiting for it (this mood) to pass.

With three days left in the year 2008, I am reflecting back and taking inventory of what I have gained and what I have lost:

At the end of 2007, I saw a star with an orange glow next to the moon. It was Mars. It fed my ongoing fascination with things unknown and unseen yet very much real. I am awed by the fact that it was an atheist who showed it to me. This person subsequently became my close friend and my astronomy teacher. All new things I learn (even from those who do not believe) bring me closer to my God. The irony in that is beyond my comprehension. But that is what makes me excited about life... the existence of endless possibilities that are beyond my comprehension.

My knowledge that every new knowledge I gain makes room for even more unknown things to be explored...gives me comfort. Remember Jesus feeding 5,000 men? I think the five loaves and two fish could have kept feeding and feeding. If there were more people, more would have been fed. To me, the meaning of the story is not just about food... and it's not just about the 5,000 -but the possibility of the numbers beyond the 5,000.

That's all for now. Later, I will write about three Latin phrases that made an impact on my life in 2008. And the difference between doing and being.

For your listening pleasure

Here's a second try at posting this. These were our guest singers this past Sunday. Beautiful song...

Merry Christmas!

"It was Not a Silent Night"

Procrastination is not always such a bad thing...

I should be doing something else... I should always be doing something else.

I had a long list of things to do today; but when my daughter suggested that I should let her skip morning classes and take her to lunch, I could not resist. I wrote one of the several excuses that we use for tardiness or absence:

"K is tardy this morning due to mental cramps."

I write the word "mental" scriggly and somewhat illegible so the unsuspecting reader would assume the word to be "menstral." That way, it's not a lie and still looks like a legitimate excuse.

We took off for the mall, made a quick shopping stop, and then ate lunch at our favorite Thai restaurant. Extra spicy. Sweat, tears, laughs, and water...lots of water. We had the most relaxing and wonderful time...and we were both fully aware that it was special.

It's amazing how much more we enjoy ourselves and appreciate the moment when we know we should be doing something else. When we're putting off what we should be doing but, instead, choose to do this thing with this person (whatever, whoever that happens to be)... we're willing to recognize it as a special gift that it is and relish in it.

I dropped her off at school for her afternoon classes, and I still cannot get back on track with my list of things to do...

There's always tomorrow, no?

Tis the season to be grumpy...

Why I dread the holidays:

Don't get me wrong… I am not trying to be anti-Christmas. This could be from my inability to handle too many things at once, especially when it is not by choice. This could possibly have something to do with my ENTP preference, or maybe it's just me. Is it just me?

I don't know what it is about the holidays. It always gets me in a funk. I get overwhelmed, I cannot think clearly, and I want to shut down… disappear from the scene… and come back when it's all over. Is it just me?

I generally love to be around people. I generally love shopping for gifts. I generally love writing emails, cards, and notes to people. I love being with my family. I love getting together with my friends. I love to eat. I love to sing. I generally love to help out whoever is in need.

One caveat: I like doing all those things on my own terms. Without a preplanned schedule. Without the pressure of feeling obligated. With the freedom of knowing that I don't have to do any of it if I choose not to. The pressure comes from my perception that we're expected to do all of the above all at once. And we must remember every single family member, every single friend, every single neighbor, and every single business associate. That's enough to make me want to torch my address book... Is it just me?

I've concluded that my brain has a limit as to how much scheduling and celebrating it can handle. My to-do list is on strike. The wonderful and joyous activities I usually welcome with delight turn into obligations that I dread. It all makes me want to curl up into a fetal position. Is it just me?

I just want to have the choice not to decorate, not to give to yet-another collection for the needy, not to make yet-another care package for the lonely, not to celebrate, not to shop for gifts, not to party, and...well, basically, not to be merry…

IF we had the choice NOT to do them (without feeling like a social misfit), then actually choosing to DO those things would have so much more meaning and be so much more fun…no? Is it just me?

I love the word simplicity. Was it Thoreau who wrote about it? A teen at our church pointed the following scripture verse out to us yesterday. Although that discussion was not about Christmas, I thought the verse was fitting for this post:

They partook of their food with gladness and simplicity and generous hearts... (Acts 2:46)(Amplified)

I know something's not quite right when I would rather sit in front of the computer staring at this endlessly than get back into the holiday frenzy… Is it just me?

Umm… is it over yet?

Poetry, anyone??

Feeling a little poetic today...

This poem always comes to mind when I'm feeling like the oddball playing by a different set of rules:

DEAR FRIENDS

Dear friends, reproach me not for what I do,
Nor counsel me, nor pity me; nor say
That I am wearing half my life away
For bubble-work that only fools pursue.
And if my bubbles be too small for you,
Blow bigger then your own:—the games we play
To fill the frittered minutes of a day,
Good glasses are to read the spirit through.

And whoso reads may get him some shrewd skill;
And some unprofitable scorn resign,
To praise the very thing that he deplores:—
So friends (dear friends), remember, if you will,
The shame I win for singing is all mine,
The gold I miss for dreaming is all yours.

~ Edwin Arlington Robinson

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And I was introduced to this Richard Feynman speech by Hugo several months back... It makes me think. Who would've thought that you can find poetry in a speech written by a scientist?

Short, sweet, simple, and easy MBTI overview

The ever resourceful Breanne Potter found and posted this video on her blog:

Sometimes, less IS more...

Remembering a Christmas spent with the atheists

photo from NANA Astronomy Pic of the Day

The word atheist used to make me cringe. How can anyone even fathom that there is no God? I have close family members who claim to be atheists. It is the common thought among Christians, when they hear that someone does not believe, to see them as lost souls... dead spirits. Then the work begins to try to convince them otherwise. If I know something to be true, how can something else in opposition also be true? was the question. The answer always came up that they must be wrong and should be fixed. Isn't that how we tend to look at everything? good or bad. right or wrong. Good or bad is a concept made up by humans in order to judge others and ourselves, IMO. It is my understanding (one view) that it all started in the garden when man wanted to be like God and decide what is good and what is evil.

About a year ago, I jumped into discussions at a highly intellectual philosophy blog run by a Christian and an atheist where I completely humiliated myself. The atheist encouraged me and helped me get back on my (blogging) feet (Thanks, Matt!). I then went looking for more atheists at another blog called the Friendly Atheist (FA). I used to think the name was somewhat oxymoronic because of my distorted view caused by...well...ignorance. There, I found people just as human as the rest...some very friendly and some not so friendly. But they were real. They were not all the same. Their beliefs or non-beliefs varied just as much as the believers. We are not in opposition. There is no line. Our beliefs all fit somewhere along the spectrum of beliefs, the way I see it.

I spent my whole Christmas season among the atheists (on the blog) and felt like they were my extended family. In some ways, I felt closer to them than my Christian friends. That's where I met Richard Wade. As I laughed, played, and argued with them, I slowly washed away my bias. There were some rough and painful verbal exchanges, and I cannot say it was always an easy experience. But if it involves human interaction, easy is not a word that would come to mind. I was determined to do whatever was necessary to be rid of my "religious" judgmental mentality. Richard was there to help me through it all and became (and remains) one of my very dear on-line friends who often show me how things look from another angle. I saw the perspectives that I never saw before. I did not become an atheist. They did not take God away from me, as many Christians would fear. I just learned to appreciate people who have very different views than the one I see. Many of them have left the blog since then. I, too, don't visit as much anymore. We all have transitioned into other things in life, I suppose. But today, I am remembering Claire, Mriana, Jeff, Maria, Ash, Darryl, NYatheist, AJ, Karen, Mike, MTran, Spursfan, and others whose names escape me. They all taught me so much.

I will always remember my one (first) holiday season spent with the atheists.

I saw Mars next to the moon on December 23, 2007. Richard pointed it out on one of his comments on FA.

On December 1, 2008 (two days ago), I saw Venus and Jupiter clustered together with the moon, lighting up the sky.

The universe is just so vast, too awesome to stay focused only on what seems to be true in our own little narrow view of life.

Guest Post: Confessions of a Sofhearted Scrooge

The following is a guest post by Richard Wade:

(Reprinted from a post on Friendly Atheist, December, 2007)

Christmas time is a pain in the neck for me. But this year I’m trying to be a nice atheist.

Today I went to the hardware store for a light bulb and some batteries. The place had transformed since I’d been in a few days ago, from hardware store to mondo-bizarro-psychedelic-drug-trip-surreal-fantasy-forest. On my left there was a nine foot tall purple and white inflated penguin with snow cap and scarf, as if a monstrous Chilly Willy had been considered for the climax of “Ghost Busters” before they settled on the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man. On the right was an army of plastic snowman families dressed in Dickensian clothes huddled together as if for warmth, singing carols. In front of me was a larger than life statue of Santa Claus wearing shades and straddling a Harley Davidson motorcycle with recorded Christmassy versions of “Born to Be Wild” and “On the Road Again” coming from a speaker in his chest. Beyond that was literally a forest of ready made artificial pine trees decked out with every toy-snowflake-bulb-trumpet-ribbon-angel-elf-snowman-reindeer-tin soldier-candycane-package-harp-star-sleigh-icecicle-teddybear-drum-locomotive-doll-bell-resembling, but still unidentifiable object that could ever come out of the scrambled minds of a thousand psychotic Christmas product designers.

If I was struck sharply on the head, given large doses of PCP, methamphetamine and LSD and suddenly transported into the center of an extraterrestrial civilization all in the same instant the experience would be similar but less disorienting than walking into that former hardware store.

The place was crowded and people were almost frantic in their searching and buying. As I stumbled through the labyrinth of lunacy to where I thought the batteries and light bulbs used to be, a woman nearby was looking at a box of exterior Christmas lights and saying, “Look Honey, these change different colors and flash at different speeds. Let’s get these.” My befuddled mind flashed back to 1962 “light shows” with colored lights pulsing to the rhythm of rock music.

I found my merchandise and prepared to escape with what shreds of sanity were still mine when I saw a display of several shelves of plastic nativity scenes with the Holy Family, animals and manger. On the base of each one was a red button labeled, “Try me!” I pressed the button and a recorded voice started saying “When Jesus was born in Bethlehem…blah blah,” followed by some of the more religious Christmas carols. There were eighteen Nativity Scenes on display, so of course I pushed every button. “When Jesus was born…” “When Jesus was…” “When Jesus…” The cacophony of eighteen of them all going at once in staggered sequence was impressive and it continued for several minutes as I left the store, somehow feeling better.

When I got home my lovely, wonderful, deserving-of-anything-I-can-give-her wife said, “Richard, we’ve got to get the Christmas cards sent out.”
Now I’m trying to be a nice atheist this year so I said, “Ohhhhh, okaaaay,” muttering “humbug” under my breath. So I pulled this big carton out from the garage that has 37 pounds of old leftover Christmas cards. We buy them by the boxful to try to save some money and we end up with leftovers. There are pretty ones and funny ones, but no really religious ones. Some say, “Merry Christmas,” or variants of that, some say, “Happy Holidays,” or variants of that, and a few odds and ends mention Hanukkah. The reason we have so many leftovers is because our family and friends fall into so many categories: devout Christians, not-too-heavy Christians, observant Jews, unobservant Jews, a few Buddhists and of course other nice atheists like me.

So we had to carefully sort out who gets what kind of card. Some of the devout Christians are getting touchy lately about sentiments that don’t mention the word “Christmas.” They’re not happy with “Happy Holidays.” The not-too-heavy Christians are fine with anything except of course the Hanukkah ones. Our observant Jewish friends don’t complain, but we don’t really want to send them one that mentions Christmas. Our unobservant Jewish friends don’t seem to mind either way, but still it would be better that they get a Hanukkah or at least a “Happy Holidays” variant. The Buddhists welcome any good wishes even though they know it’s all an illusion. Finally the nice atheists (like me) don’t care much one way or the other but if we send them either kind of card they might think I’m starting to get religion and I wouldn’t want that. But then we don’t want them to get nothing….

Then there was the problem of whether or not we sent a person one of these cards before. We don’t want to send anybody the same card twice. Most of them are pretty smart and would remember a duplicate even if it was several years ago. Some of these cards are getting really old.

All this took a lot of time and I was tempted to chuck the whole carton into the fireplace and print up my own cards that say:

“Wishing that you don’t get seriously injured while fighting in the tiger shark feeding frenzy at the mall trying to find thoughtful and valuable gifts for everybody else who’s out getting stupid cheap stuff for you that you won’t like but will have to pretend that you do and trying to avoid going broke in the whole nonsensical process, in observance of whatever the heck holiday you celebrate, if any.”

But I didn’t do that, because I’m being a nice atheist.

Later my lovely, wonderful, deserving-of etc. wife said, “Richard, could you put up the Christmas lights and set up the tree while I’m at the market? I know it’s a pain in the neck for you, but makes me happy.”
“Ohhhhh, okaaaay.” I said, muttering “humbug” under my breath again. She’s just barely a deist but she has fond childhood memories attached to all this paraphernalia so hey, if it makes her happy, what else is important? So I dragged out several boxes of Christmas geegaws for inside and out without complaining the way I usually do. And this year, just to be a nice atheist, I removed the sign from the front door wreath that says,

“Co-opted pagan symbol displayed for traditional purposes only; no religious affiliation implied.”

This year I’m going to be a nice atheist, dammit. If the neighbors mistakenly assume I’m a Christian, so what? Screw ‘em. (muttering “humbug” under my breath)

Risking life and limb teetering on a ladder I put up the exterior lights around the eves of the house, a string of colored ones and a band of white ones supposedly resembling icicles. That’s weird too. It hasn’t snowed here since 1951. Only here in Lotus Land would people use lights to imitate icicles. My neighbors compete by the thousands of kilowatts to express who is the most frikking joyful, making the neighborhood look like an electrified Currier and Ives lithograph on steroids. I’ve heard icicles can kill people back east. I hate snow. It almost died in it. Humbug.

Oh for the days of my youth when front yard Christmas decorations were sensible like the tumbleweeds painted white and stacked up and decorated to look like snowmen. Decorations with deep meaning like the two Santa feet sticking out of the chimney or the all-aluminum Christmas tree, dazzling in the color-changing floodlights on the dichondra, or the glowing plastic camels carrying guys looking like bin Laden marching toward a glowing plastic manger, overseen by a much larger glowing plastic Rudolph. Those decorations were tasteful and meaningful. What has become of it all? (sigh) Humbug.

Season’s Frikking Greetings.
Richard