Let us beware and beware and beware...of having an ideal for our children. So doing, we damn them. ~ D.H. Lawrence
The Pygmalion Project, almost unavoidable in mating, is perhaps even more of a temptation in parenting. Most parents believe quite sincerely that their responsibility is to raise their children, to take an active part in guiding them, or perhaps in steering them, on their way to becoming mature adults. Even more than the husband-wife relationship, the parent-child relationship has this serious factor of interpersonal manipulation seemingly built into it, as though part of the job description of Mother or Father. Unfortunately, this hands-on model of parental responsibility -- well-intentioned though it may be -- all too often ends in struggle and rebellion. The truth is that kids of different temperament will develop in entirely different directions, no matter what the parents do to discourage one direction in favor of another. To manipulate growth is a risky business. In our natural zeal to discourage moral weeds from springing up we risk discouraging mental flowers from growing, our parental herbicides killing the good and the bad indiscriminately.
It's an excerpt from Please Understand Me II by David Keirsey.
You can read the rest of the excerpt HERE.
So true - everyone's idea of "success" and "normalcy" is so different, and most parents want to believe that their children will share their definition of the terms (And SO often that is not the case.) I think people have less of a say than they like to think in who their children turn out to be (personality-wise) and attempts to stifle their true self only result in rebellion, and further polarization. I love Please Understand Me, by the way, its such a fascinating read!
ReplyDeleteThank you for your comment, agammy!
ReplyDeleteI have also been guilty of doing that to my kids in the past. Learning about the MBTI has taught me to let go and try to allow them to be who they are, rather than who I want them to be. As a parent, that's not always so easy, let me tell ya...
Well while I agree with you to an extent, at the same time, I must point out that if a parent chooses not to shape their kids, there are plenty of far worse people willing to try.
ReplyDeleteHello, Anonymous! Thank you for your comment.
ReplyDeleteWhile I understand what you're saying, I believe there is a difference between nurturing a child to be who they are meant to be and trying to mold them into our ideal shape.