Change is good, right? Anxiety is normal during a major change, no?
I am so anxious tonight. I don't know if I'll be able to sleep. Everything seems so topsy turvy. Things are changing. Tomorrow is the beginning of a new chapter and something I've been waiting for for a very long time...
I've opened the refrigerator at least 10 times in the last 30 minutes and can't find anything I want to eat. I've checked and rechecked my list for tomorrow. I think I'm prepared. Why am I so nervous?
On my way to the refrigerator yet one more time, I thought perhaps I should just write about my anxiety to relieve some pressure. But what do I say? The words are not there. I may start a series of posts journaling this new adventure. Who knows? I have not decided.
To add to the madness of it all, I've completely turned my business upside down. It has always been a losing proposition. I was giving away more than I was bringing in and hated having to promote myself. I never wanted to start the business. I just wanted to help people. But I somehow got roped into the mindset that I must make a profit with my newly acquired knowledge/skills. I knew deep down that it would not work.
I've decided to turn the MindBlink business site into a just-for-fun playground to showcase and promote other talented people, randomly chosen by me. It will no longer be a profit-oriented business, but a place for me to have fun and use my creativity to encourage others who are brave enough to pursue what they are passionate about. I will continue to offer my MBTI services to whoever is interested and as give-away prizes, but I'm done promoting myself. I'm choosing to shed the weight that was making me sink deeper into the dark hole called "need-to-suceed". On the home page of the site, I state my reason as follows:
"Why? Because I can!"
I'm too old (and too stubborn) to play the game of worldly success. Instead, I want to use my gifts and resources to encourage other creative people to go after their dreams. That, my friends, makes me feel like I can breathe again.
As to the other (big) change I mentioned earlier... I'll keep you posted!
Ciao! :-)
Linda, you have had several moments where things ended and things began, moments that divide before from since, moments when aware became awakened. Each time you have been challenged by Fear and Doubt, standing there at either side of the gate of your moment to certify that this is indeed your choice, your will, your creation. Each time you have passed between them and you have grown. They are not really your enemies, they are your allies who help you to keep living a life of volition, of intention, of authenticity. Your life is yours, moment by moment, proven to be yours by your choice to pass between and beyond Fear and Doubt.
ReplyDeleteNow you have come to another moment of your own creation and choice, and your old familiar allies are there nodding in recognition, waiting to help you authenticate yet another part of your life as entirely yours. This moment is about fulfilling a promise postponed, a dream set gently aside while you built other important parts of you. This, like all the others, is your moment. Enjoy it and all the others you are yet to create.
Wow. Thank you, Richard! Of course, you should know ;-) that I would say my life is not my own but belongs to Christ. I know we disagree on that point, but as you always say, "Agreement is not important; only understanding is." What it means to each person could make the world of difference depending on their perception of life, but that is what I'm trying to live... freedom that I have been given.
ReplyDelete:-)