HILLIGraphy - Creating Your Own Life (Part 6)

I was going to write my thoughts today about what motivates people into action. I've been fascinated, frustrated, encouraged, and discouraged about people in general this week. There is something bubbling up in me, but I can't quite figure out what it is exactly that I want to accomplish. Chuck has told me (and I've read it in his books) not to get attached to results. hmmm... I don't know if I will ever not look for results. The challenge for me, then, is to not allow myself to be crippled by the need to see the results... Not to let it have power over me.

I decided to finally finish today what I started six posts ago. Finish what I've started? That is something definitely out of the ENTP preference. Funny... someone who is always looking for results not being able to finish things she has started. :-)

This is the final part of the six-part essay by Chuck Hillig, as MindBlink's first HILLIGraphy. Yay!!! You can find all six parts grouped together here.

Creating Your Own Life (Part 6)

It's totally unreasonable to expect that everyone will accept you 100% of the time. This is just not going to ever happen. If you don't experience their rejection as just "feedback-to-be-considered" and move on, then you're likely to draw negative conclusions about yourself through your erroneous interpretations. For example, "If my spouse doesn't do what I want, that means that they don't really love me."

Many of us, though, have become "approval addicts" by believing that other people (e.g. family, friends, bosses, etc.) are the real "keepers" of our sense of personal self-worth. This blatant abdication of your right ot be the Gatekeeper of your own sense of OK-ness puts you in a painful "one-down" position. In other words, you're OK only if someone else says that you're OK. Such self-destructive thoughts (e.g. "Other people must approve of me.") are called cognitive distortions, and they find their roots in your own personal belief system. Unless you vigorously challenge the truth of these dysfunctional beliefs, (and the dark interpretations about you that they'll trigger) then they're likely to win by default.

Finally, we can have more than we've got because we can be more than we are. But, if you're ever to become who you could be, then you must first be willing to fully "own" who you already are. For example, if you're sitting in your living room, then it's impossible for you to walk out of your kitchen simply because you're not sitting in your kitchen. In short, you can't change from where you aren't; you can only change from where you are. Your personal power is directly proportional to your willingness to honestly look at yourself, warts and all, and to embrace the truth about "what's so" for you. When you do that with full awareness, then you'll be better able to move on to something new.

Essentially, you are a work of art in progress. If you're still alive, then the universe isn't finished with you yet. Our fundamental quest is to find the courage to be who we truly are. When you become more willing to consciously live out your life with full integrity, then space is created for you to become more authentically human.

Someone once said that "Life is not a guided tour to some far-off destination. It's a journey."

The secret of creating your own life, then, is to become willing to experience living that destination within each and every moment of your journey.

Thank you, Chuck, for a very insightful essay. I love the conclusion.