There is such a controversy and turmoil surrounding religious beliefs all over the world. And words like "born-again" and "atheist" make so many people cringe. My rebellious nature wanted to explore and find out for myself who these "atheists" were that are said to be so awful. About nine months ago, I began by joining in on their discussions on a blog called the Friendly Atheist and getting to know them. REALLY know them. Genuinely know them.
There is a quote by Henry David Thoreau which I love:
"Could a greater miracle take place than for us to look through each other's eyes for an instant?"
That is the purpose in everything I do these days... to be able to see other perspectives... and to teach others to see them as well.
We are not that different. We are all unique in our own way, and yet we are all the same. If we just stop for a moment to look without the clouded lens... and listen, really listen, beyond the noise and the chatter, then we can see and hear a whole new perspective that we had not seen or heard before. And it is not right or wrong as we had thought... it is only a view from a different angle.
As far as the spiritual part goes, if you know what you know to be true for you... then what can possibly change that? Will respecting and loving each other change that?
The reason I am writing these thoughts here is because it is my passion to share what I have learned about people. It is my passion to learn and share the perspectives that are different from my own.
I want to learn about the different beliefs. I want to learn about the different cultures. I want to learn about the different lifestyles. I want to learn about the different personalities. I want to find out what and how others think. I want to learn what makes each of us unique and still fit into the big picture like pieces of a jigsaw puzzle. I believe that realizing and accepting our differences can teach us that we are also very similar, and... everything is connected. I tried to illustrate that in my video, but it's only one person's view. I know I am but one small insignificant note in the symphony of humanity.
The reason for my involvement with the MBTI stems from that.
Thank you! Sometimes I get so frustrated with people trying to force things on each other when a belief is a belief, which means it's personal. It's about what YOU think--and no one else. However, that doesn't mean we can't live on the "other" side, or learn about different beliefs. In fact, it's almost impossible to understand your beliefs without experiencing some other walk of life--something I've learned from experience. Sometimes, I don't want to even call myself a Christian because I get so fed up with everyone trying to adhere to a single cause--as if everything in the Bible (or in any sort of religion or philosophy) is straight forward. It's about interpretation; it's about perspective; but most importantly, it's about belief. If you feel a spiritual connection with a greater power, and this power gives you hope, then good. That's what it should be. If you don't feel like a spiritual person, then that's how it should be as well. I believe we should all be individuals, and we should all accept everyone for who they are. Maybe if the world wasn't so caught up in the pretense of "religion," then maybe we wouldn't have so much conflict (need I eloborate on that?). I don't mean to sound harsh or critical, but I'm happy with the faith I do have in God, and what can I say? I'm human. My faith falters. But it's a feeling inside I can't explain, and in the end, it really doesn't need to be explained. I just want to learn, like you Linda, and I want to be fascinated with science without being called a hypocrite; I want to enjoy life without people telling me how I should live it; I want the undertones of hate and disrespect toward Middle Eastern culture to end in the United States; and I want to be friends with people from all over the world. I want to hear their stories! Is that so wrong? There's a lot of things I want, but in the end, true happiness in life doesn't come from pursuing a single ideal, I think it comes being as wide open as possible when it comes to acceptance, and learning as much as possible about this Earth we live in.
ReplyDeleteThank you for such a thoughtful post, Mrs. McKenna, and I love that you and I seem to have similar feelings! See, I think it's okay if people aren't like us, not wanting know more about the world or broaden their horizons, because every individual is just that: an individual. I'd like to know what fuels certain mindsets, just out of curiosity, and I also love your analogy. We're all different notes in the symphony of humanity (or pieces of the puzzle, which ever you prefer). I think this discussion can go lots of places...
Billy,
ReplyDeleteHow is it that your comment is longer than my post? :-) Thank you for the encouragement. I wasn't sure if this post was appropriate for this blog, but now I'm glad I went ahead and posted it. Sometimes you just gotta close your eyes and jump, right?
Hi, Linda --
ReplyDeleteI've been out of town, so only now getting to this (fantastic) post. As a former Christian who's now agnostic/atheist, I genuinely appreciate reading your thoughts. To tell the truth, when I sensed (or is that intuited, ha!) from some of your posts that you're quite a "strong" Christian, I was hesitant to bookmark you for regular reading. Now, I'm glad that my gut served me well!
Taking this to another topic, I will likely soon be "coming out" to my ESTJ dad and ISFJ mom, both of whom are rather dogmatic (in a well-meaning way) in their Christian beliefs. On Brenda's Personality Page, she speaks of the ESTJ as wondering why everyone else doesn't just agree with him; the world would be so much simpler that way. This is my dad in a nutshell, and it will be a heart-breaking (and confusing) experience for him to realize that I don't believe what he does.
Any thoughts on how to approach an SJ about issues they consider to be unquestionable?
(Sorry for the thread-jack!)
Billy, I'm tempted to print out your comment and hand it to my family! Yes, it's personal -- and often, beliefs aren't chosen. They just are. I didn't choose to become atheist/agnostic; it's just what happened as I considered information further. It was in a church service (one that I was quite enjoying, actually) that I realized that I didn't believe a word of what they were saying. Go figure.
Allison
Oh, Alli!
ReplyDeleteYou don't know how much it means to me to hear you say that you appreciate my thoughts.
As far as coming out to your family, I have no advice to offer you, other than to encourage you to be as honest as you can about your belief/non-belief without taking away from theirs. No matter how ugly the scene gets, remember that underneath all the hurt and the anger, therein lies fear and also love. Try to accept and respect their belief without sacrificing yours.
I think it has to be the most difficult thing in the world to risk having your loved ones reject you for being who you truly are.
But you'll do well. I can tell you have quite a gentle heart. Make them realize that the person you are is who they love... with or without the religion.
Hi alli,
ReplyDeleteI met Linda online when she first visited at a blog called Friendly Atheist http://friendlyatheist.com/ where I occasionally write posts as a contributor and often write comments as a reader. We have since become very good friends. Many, many people who are regulars there have gone through what you have described: realizing as an adult that they no longer believed what they had been taught, struggling to re-define themselves and then negotiating the tricky and sometimes traumatic task of telling their religious family members that they are (shudder) an agnostic/atheist.
Their stories range from surprisingly easy acceptance by their families to dreadful upheavals that resulted in the family shunning and banishing them. The more extreme stories both good and bad are more rare than those in the middle with some upset, some misunderstanding, some clarifying and negotiating of terms of the relationships, and finally an at least workable truce. In most of the stories, the unbeliever wished he or she had been more prepared to respond to their family’s fears, misconceptions and attempts at manipulation. They say that things might have been resolved more easily if they had known what to expect.
Most of them have said that having someone else to talk to who shares their freedom from belief was the single most valuable asset they had during their “coming out” process, or the missing asset they most sorely needed. If you don’t have a friend or ally in the three-dimensional world with whom you can talk face-to-face, then online friends are a helpful second choice. Many people when just realizing they no longer believe are unaware of how many other people there are who have similar views, so they feel alone and alienated. I don’t know how long you have realized your lack of belief or whether you have found resources already. If it is appropriate for you, you might check out Friendly Atheist and meet some of the smart, funny, warm, brave and honest people there whom I have been very privileged to know.
alli, you speak mostly of your concern for your parents’ reaction to your telling them about what is true for you and wanting to find a way to break it to them according to their personality types. I hope you also are looking to handle things in a way that takes care of your needs as well. Coming out does not have to be either bending over backward to soothe your family’s upset and fear, nor callously riding over them with a steamroller. I’m sure you’re trying to find a way to make it easier for them to take, but be sure to remain, as Linda has said, true to yourself. You can be caring and respectful but in the end their response is their responsibility, not yours.
Sometimes it can be shocking, the things that Christians believe about atheists. Some harbor stereotypes and assumptions that are more irrational than any of their religious beliefs, and if all that comes out during the initial announcement of your position it can derail the whole thing if you’re not prepared. If you don’t know what misconceptions your parents might have, it would be a good idea to learn about the more common ones.
If all this is advice you don’t need, please accept my apologies but if I can be of any assistance to you in any way, please let me know.
Richard,
ReplyDeleteThank you for your comment. As this is a subject matter that is close to my heart, I do appreciate any and all information that I can get about how others feel about it.
It always breaks my heart that the differences in spiritual beliefs have to break up families, destroy friendships, and cause wars. Why? Is being "right" so important that we're willing to give up everything that make us happy? Is pointing fingers at other people's (perceived) wrongdoings so necessary that we're willing to choose death over life?
Why are we so afraid to love what we so foolishly think as "unlovable?" If we can just let go of this need to be righteous all the time and allow ourselves to be vulnerable enough to fall in love with the enemy... I truly believe that we will see that underneath all the thick layers of lies of self-righteousness and shame, we are all saints, we are all sinners, we are all winners, and we are all losers... we are self-reliant and we are addicts, we are strong and we are weak... we are pure, and we are perverted... we are all the same… and we can choose to love or we can choose to judge. We can live in freedom or we can live in fear.
We are humans. Loneliness does not become us. If religion has to cause separation, I will always choose freedom to love. If the love is on the side of the atheist, I am not afraid to choose that love. A word does not define who we are. And you seem to know the difference. Thank you for that.